i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
