So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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