my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
