you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
