So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
