I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize