when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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