I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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