Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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