Just cropdusted the office
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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