I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
