i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize