Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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