so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
