I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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