I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Pants 0. Shit 1.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Randomize
