You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
