i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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