Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
