I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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