I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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