i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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