someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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