i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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