I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
