HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
