garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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