he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sex in the backyard? Check.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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