I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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