He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
