I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
