I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize