He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
