Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
