A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize