Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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