I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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