Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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