Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
