I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
