so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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