So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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