I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
