Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
