so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
