I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
