my being single is dangerous.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Randomize
