Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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