I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
