i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
