I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize