i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
