think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
and you fell through a lawn chair
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
