dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
