the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
