Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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