My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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