Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
