I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
