Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
