why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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