the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
