no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
