If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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