Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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