So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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