I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
