I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
