Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
