you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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