Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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