Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
