Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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