you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
