I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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