i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
