What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
