is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
