a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
