I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
