I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
