There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
