You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
