My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You are a genius and a whore.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
