Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
