I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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