it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize