Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
