the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
