Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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