it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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