she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
