if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
