So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
