did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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