we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize