Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
