I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
