Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
wat bout pragnant strippers??
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
