hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
