Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
