Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
