Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
