i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
