I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize