Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
