I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
