id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
