he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
