Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
