I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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